Dear Motherhood: Hormones and Flying Clocks

Dear Motherhood,
     I guess most people feel they grew up too fast. Once your an adult all those easy years of childhood that you once wished away, suddenly you want back. Where did all that time go anyway? And why didn't we slow down and take it in more like our elders told us to? Yes, time certainly does get away from us. I don't know what can slow it down but I found what speeds it up...becoming a mother.
     Since I gave birth yesterday...okay it was 9 days ago...I feel I have pressed a fast forward button. The hours are minutes and minutes are seconds and it's all racing in front of my face. All of a sudden there is so much to think about.  I care about things that 10 days ago I never paid terribly much attention to. What would she want to be when she grows up? Will we be able to pay for college? Who will be president and how will they effect her life? Good Lord what will happen when she gets her drivers license?! What kind of man will she marry? Will I end up in prison for killing someone who breaks her heart? Orange is not my color! It's all too much to take!  Needless to say I cry a lot these days thinking of any and everything that could possibly go wrong over the course of the next 50 years. I may be dealing with a few minor hormonal issues that i wasn't fully expecting. Or maybe this is all normal first time mother feelings that I have no choice but to buckle down and endure. There isn't much these days that doesn't send me into a full blown Niagara Falls eruption of tears. Especially last Saturday I woke up to a 1 week old.
      Where did that week go? Where does any time go? Since I had her every day is faster. All I want is for it to slow down. And soon when she is a little older she will do what I did, wish to grow up. And I'll do what my mother did, tell her to slow down. And she won't listen because kids usually don't. They tend to grow up regardless of what we say or do. And in a short 25 years she may be sitting here wishing her baby would stay a baby for just a while longer.  But it wont. And I'll point and laugh and say I told you so. Because that's what mothers do. I can't make time slow down. I can't keep her in this innocent form that will always need me to feed her and rock her to sleep. I will have to learn to dry my tears and let my little bird fly. So maybe I'll stare at her a little too long and hold her a little too tight. Maybe I will spoil her and let her sleep in the middle. I'll try to memorize every part of her, every move, every smile and wrinkled nose. What choice do I have?  I have already seen how fast it all goes by. Yesterday's baby is gone, today's will only last a second, and tomorrow she will be another day older, a little bit bigger and stronger and today's baby will becomes yesterday's memories. But right now I'm laying next to her in bed while she drifts in and out of sleep watching little smiles come across her face as she dreams...and yes crying a little. Maybe she won't always need me. She will grow up and make her own way. But right now she's my baby. However brief it may be. Motherhood, slow down.
Sincerely,
The Mom